I can't think straight, but I'm okay.

Won't waste my life, can't waste another night.

I have so much to say, but thinking of the words might take all day. This weekend was one of the best I've had in a while, not gonna lie.
My hands got cold again, and he held them. When he does that, I get a feeling. A feeling you never gave me. He did it in front of everyone, too. We stood there, and he held me. In front of everyone. You would never do that. You always used the stick shift as an excuse not to hold my hand in the car, he used holding my hand as an excuse not to shift.

I tried to talk to you today, and you wouldn't look me in the eye. I want you to know that I do feel bad, and I did love you. I always will. But you changed. You weren't yourself anymore, and I got tired of being treated like a nothing. Helmet hair told me what you said. "I fucked things up. It's your turn now." like I'm a fucking object. After you posted that bulliten accusing me of leaving you for your "best friend", I got a text calling me the Cabbac Whore. Fuck them. and Fuck you. You keep saying that all you want is for me to be happy, and yesterday I was. You noticed and you fucked it up on purpose. You keep saying you're sorry. but i know better. I don't ever want you to say those two words to me ever again. I always told you I hated liars, and you always told me you mean every word you say to me. You lied.

In case you were wondering, those two years weren't a waste. I learned a lot. Like how to love, and when to stop. How much to give, and how much to take. How to hold on when something means the world to me. How to let go when my world falls apart.

You and me, they're trying to break us. Let's shake it up, cause they will never take us.

I've moved on, sure. But you want me to be happy, so you say. It shouldn't matter who does that for me, right? Even if he is your best friend. If you were his, you'd understand. and if you really care for me as much as you say you do, you'd realize how miserable I was, and how happy I am now.

Dear Stephan, I know things are tough, but I promise they'll get better. You'll find a girl and fall in love again. I've seen you at your best, and at your worst. I wasn't strong enough for my emotional baggage, along with yours. Someday you'll find someone that can handle all of it. I always will love you, and I'll always be here if you need me. You'll always be my best friend, even though I've hurt you. I hope you get over me, because no matter how mad you make me, I still wish you the best, and all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. Really.