Update.

I told Helmet hair how I feel last night.
I'm not sure what his true reaction was since I did it via myspace.
but i told him i had this feeling that i always wanted to be with him...
and he said he felt it too.

I don't know what to do. I'm not supposed to feel like this. Especially so soon.
Should I really be over a boy I was with for two years in two days?
Should his best friend be the one making my heart pound faster then ever?
HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE.

I can't wait to go snowmobiling with him again.
but I don't want you there.
I don't want anyone to be there.

I think it's funny that everyone noticed I had feelings for Helmet Hair even before I did.
Sort of. I mean, even you could tell. I know you asked that stupid question for a reason.
I wonder what you would do if I answered it the way I wanted to?
Instead of saying How dare you ask me that, do you think i would do that?
I wanted to say God, I hope so.

I'm beginning to think I moved on a long time ago. That's why it isn't taking long for me to be over this whole "break up." I guess I've felt like we were broken up for months now. You no longer felt like my boyfriend, you felt like my brother. And I started looking at your best friend in a whole new light. I can't help it. I remember when you made me feel like he does. That was a year ago, by the way. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I don't blame you, entirely. It's me, mostly. I just don't feel the same way I used to about you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. The truth is I've never felt more free. Even though my heart is broken, I feel like maybe it'll only be temporary. Things will get better, just like everyone keeps telling me. They'll get better for you, too by the way. You'll get over me, and you'll find someone a hundred times better. I know you will. I still love you, and I always will...but it's different now. It's not the love I felt at first. Kaylee told me once that "you don't stop loving someone. You always will, or you never have." Its true, you know. I always will. I hope you know I would never intentionally hurt you, thats why I haven't done anything about my helmet hair situation. I really am sorry.
I wonder if you know. I wonder if you notice the difference. I wonder if you see how happy I get when he's around, how I smile and walk a little faster. I hope you don't, only because I'd hate to see you even more hurt. I never meant to break your heart. You'll be fine. I'll be fine.
This will get better. We'll be fine.